I was going over my finished journal to glean any tidbits of poetry or knowledge before I pack it away, and I found some words I had written to myself, some words I think may not have been my words.
You have a choice Catherine, you can choose to be anxious or you can choose to trust God. This is not the last time you will be offered this choice, nor is it the first. You have failed and you will fail again, but you have also succeeded and you will succeed again.
You have known the kindness of God, continue to search it out. Search for the heart of God. Do not be afraid, know that God is good. He is justice and mercy, he is holy. He desires your heart more than you know, more that you imagine or are willing to believe.
Your heart is beautiful, it is created by God, known by Him, loved by Him. There is more right with your heart than you know, and it's not up to you to decide what is wrong with it. Trust God to shape it as He wishes. Do as He says. Trust that it will result in your good, even if you can't see it right away. Trust that you have His spirit in you, that you can hear Him. Listen to that small still voice inside you.